The Hotel of Tomorrow

                                   

                               

 

There are people,  hotel trend setters to be more specific, who  undoubtedly need to be on some sort of medication (or "meds" if you prefer). In fact, they probably are on 'meds', just not the kind that are prescribed for an actual medical condition. According to a report entitled "The Hotel of Tomorrow Project", apparently certain individuals in the hospitality industry believe that they can go into a bank with a business plan that will revolutionize the whole concept of hotel accommodations, amenities, and services. These people, who must be insane, see the hotel of the future as one that will be equipped with rooms that have walls that can instantly change color, carpeting that can morph into whatever texture pleases the soles of a guest's feet, and bathtubs that can change shapes to accommodate the various body shapes of the hotel guests. However, if we are to assume that such things are possible, and that the people who stay in such places have got more money than Aunt Jemima's got grits, then we can also imagine what a conversation between a hotel guest and a desk clerk might sound like at the hotel of tomorrow. The following is an example.

 

Clerk: G'day mate. Throw a shrimp on the barbie?

Guest: What?

Clerk: Can I help you?

Guest: ...Yeahh, I'd like a room please.

Clerk: Alrighty. What's your favorite color?

Guest: Gold, but what does that have to do with the price of tea in China?

Clerk: Well sir, our in-house decorating services personnel can provide a wide range of design features to choose from to make your stay a pleasant one, indeed.

Guest: Don't mess with me, pal. I've been in crowded airports, filthy airplanes, and smelly taxis all day long and I'm not in a joking mood.

Clerk: I hear you loud and clear sir, and I can assure you that I am not joking.

Guest: You better not be, or I will make sure that you get your walking papers. Are we clear?

Clerk: Yes sir, crystal clear, sir... So you're favorite color is gold?

Guest: Yep, on second thought, perhaps gold walls are not really conducive to restful sleep. Make that violet with gold trim, if that's possible.

Clerk: Certainly sir. Have a look at our menu to choose a style of carpeting to suit your taste.

Guest: ...taste?

Clerk: Yes sir, you can choose from chocolate, vanilla, Neapolitan, orange sherbet and spumoni.

Guest: Dude, what did I tell you about messing with me?

Clerk: I am not messing with you sir. These are the colors to choose from. Also, these are the textures:  shag, plush velvet, and astro turf.

Guest: Okay, give me the room with the orange sherbet Austin Powers shag. A couple of broads are coming by later, so that'll help to make things more festive.

Clerk: Certainly sir. We will only need a few minutes to paint the walls and change out the carpet.

Guest: (disconcerted expression) Are you telling me that you don't already have a room with those colors and style of carpeting?

Clerk: No sir, not at this very moment.

Guest: Well...when can I have the room?

Clerk: Just as soon as Pedro gets his crew out of there.

Guest: He's already in the room?

Clerk: Yes sir.

Guest: How long does it take to do those things?

Clerk: As I told you before sir, just a few minutes. He's very fast.

Guest: I don't understand. You are actually customizing my room and remodeling the whole damn thing, even though I'm staying for only one night? Is that correct?

Clerk: Yes sir, and it's not exactly cheap either.

Guest: So, how much is this going to set me back?

Clerk: Are you a member of Triple A or Diners' Club?

Guest: No.

Clerk: Well sir, let me look at your shoes. (clerk leans over the counter) Those are some really nice loafers. Are they Corinthian leather or horsehide?

Guest: What the...! Just give me the room rate, would ya, pal?

Clerk: Of course sir, the rate is $988.79 per day.

Guest: Just what the hell is wrong with you? Do I look like some kind of jerk? I'm gonna jump over that counter and give you a thorough beating, if you don't come up with a figure that is considerably more reasonable.

Clerk: Yes sir. How about a 10% discount?